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Nov. 6th, 2009 | 02:48 pm

being reunited with my love on the 22nd!

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(no subject)

Sep. 16th, 2009 | 09:18 pm

really, really, REALLY missing my boy(s). *sigh*

actually, my older dog isn't in my thoughts as much. not because i dont love him dearly, but more because he's connected to chicago moreso than savannah. with red it was all magic here, i see the places we walked together and the parks we jogged around and the dog park; he IS savannah to me. having him all the way in atlanta is really starting to get to me hard. it's only been 4 weeks and I'm already crushed.

i know its sappy, sorry. typical zoo broken-heart story, hehe.

but sex. i'm sure you all want to know about that. i've been playing with toys again, which is great! I VERY much enjoy taking my gryphon toy from bad-dragon to full knot, or tying with the ellypse toy. i can take about 8 pumps in that before I cum like crazy! i also had a great day with a diaper, a cup and a half of oatmeal, and some of my own mess. murr, it was great to get back into it! Its tough balancing the kinks with a partial-lover, though. i don't want to get messy before i get into bed with him, but that's usually the only opportunity i have to do so. *sigh*

ah, class. class, class, class. bwaha.

i'm getting back to that point where i just want to cut ties and go 'cross the US with red. i really do. just get away from it all and head off, no strings attached. it would be so liberating... or so wrong, and then i'd learn. either way, it's important to me.

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Sep. 5th, 2009 | 07:56 pm


the pup i picked up was fucking amazing, he was big and beautiful and had a really charming personality. however, he just wasn't into sex much. he was never a humper, even towards a bitch in heat (surprising), so there's pretty much no way he'd mount a human. He shows promise as a licker, but he's not a natural. i loved him very much and miss him horribly. I'll be seeing him again around thanksgiving. he ended up being just under 70lbs. he was 15 months, too, which is probably why he wasn't all that interested in much. I ended up having him neutered since its the responsible thing and he will be staying at a house where someone else has to control him. that's fine by me; he loves when i play with his sheath and ballflap (where his balls used to be). I got to meet his dad (dog), and laughed because his balls were bigger than the ones that made him! Baha!

also, don't know why i forgot to update here, but jenner and i got around to proper front-hole sex. i am now a master. i went from being unable to take the knot on my gryphon toy to taking it all and not feeling any associated pain. also, i can take 7-8 pumps on my elipse without complaint (and with HELLA LOTS OF PLEASURE!). i LOVE taking him, i love making him cum and making him shake and twitch and loose all sense of self while he's fucking me. I love that i know how to massage him to make it impossible for him to avoid shooting his load.

Also, I'm learning about blowjobs. slowly but surly bidding farewell to the gag reflex.

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Jun. 23rd, 2009 | 01:59 am

so guys.

definitely picking up a 60lb intact dog tomorrow.


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May. 19th, 2009 | 04:29 am

my dog is coming to me! 9 days and we'll be reunited. i'm so excited, its insane.

but in other news (much more pithy), i think i've found my rebound relationship. i didn't see it coming; he identifies as a gay man, and a very highly sought-after one at that. luckily sex is a big deal for him (as it turns out), which was the only reason he wasn't enjoying the life of the village bicycle, lol.

i had already accepted my sexless status at college, mostly because i was still insecure following the breakup with my ex (devastation, heartbreak, blah blah blah). i hadn't been with anybody i didn't find thru craigslist in the 2 years i'd been here and had pretty much resigned myself to having 'just friends'. i stopped thinking or assuming that people were interested in me at all, they'd basically have to beat me over the head with violent flirting to get me to believe that they were actually interested.
and thats what happened. j wasn't even on my radar. but i started realizing that he made a lot of contact with me, mostly just eye contact. and i thought it was weird, but i chalked it up to him knowing about my transsexuality and just being one of those curious folks that studies faces to try and figure out what i looked like pre-transition. eh, it happens. can be creepy but is usually just flattering. anyway, i was totally wrong. he was very much attracted to me (i still can't believe it fully, my self deprecation wont allow me to actually believe that someone can find me truly attractive). this was/is super flattering even moreso because he is a gentleman in high demand. the number of people who have gone out of their way to try and get with him is comparable to my demand in high school. and here i come, trotting in with zero effort and completely oblivious and i get the prize.
thats a damned fine ego boost.
it began very much with me assuming that i was just overthinking things and was expecting something that wasn't possible, let alone likely.

so i guess this is a much deeper look at what i've already covered, y'know? i had mind blowing sex the other night, the first time EVER that i'd cum in tandem with a partner. we were doing sort of a buttfuck scissor position and that worked perfectly. i was in pure blissful nirvana for a good 10-15 minutes following.

easily the weirdest part about all this is the emotional attachment i've formed so quickly. i'm pretty cavalier about sex. i expected that this would be one of those 'get your jollies, then hop off' sort of deals. but whats happened is much more relationship based. to be honest, im not as interested in getting my rocks off (STS) as i am in spending time with him.
the weird 'too good to be true' part is that he's already being pithy. he's already talking deeply and attachedly and likes to talk about 'the relationship' basically every time we're together. but thats what he does. i just dont want to become a sounding board for his problems or a court for him to sort out his game. i can already tell that i'm going to have to play the strong one again, which is how things with alex got so fucked up. she was all this mess and i wasn't allowed to be.
granted i've grown a lot since then. i know to check my shit at the door and just not even bring it up. but this familiar and oh-so-wonderful feeling of actually having a partner is so addictive. my jealousy is flaring up again, since he is a social butterfly and he is in high demand. its weird because i also inexplicably trust him 100% that he wont go around behind my back... but the possessive jealousy still rears its ugly head. i haven't said anything (and hopefully wont). im learning to keep my mouth shut.

it was really rewarding to be with him on the camping trip, mostly because almost everybody there either wanted to fuck him or me. little did they know we were busy pleasuring each other in a tent downstairs while everybody else was asleep that night... probably echoing the dreams of most of the people upstairs! being powerful like that again is a huge trip. it reinstills my sense of personal pride and reminds me that although i may think im not desirable sometimes i do still have an inexplicable sex appeal. i've always been blessed with it, i had just forgotten how to exercise it. and oddly it works much better on men than women... i think thats just 'cause i have to remind myself how to make the woman function work.

strange twist, too... i can totally imagine/picture myself with jenner in 2, 3, even 5 years. in my daydreams it makes perfect sense. but i have that same issue that i have with basically every partner where i get embarrassed by them, which is so retarded. i noticed that today while i was shopping with hilary; she did something silly and although i was momentarily embarrassed i found i didn't care. i guess its just spending enough time with somebody to forgive them their trespasses, y'know? i really have to get over that.

i hate having to pretend around friends. jenner came to my table today and although i wanted nothing more than to give him a hug (and i know he felt the same way too) we didn't and it felt awkward and in some twisted way also kind of like betrayal. or invalidation, maybe. but summer is coming (10 days!!), and i plan on being a full time queer. i've met more people that i love and fit well with when i'm honest about myself... it leaves me kickin my own butt that i didn't just start college out like that. *sigh*

ok, time to wrap up this novella. in summary, jenner is awesome and i can see a path of 'falling in love' (probably ending like a soap opera where either he has enough personal growth to move on or i leave him for someone else and then regret it like i have a tendency to do), and puppy is coming down in 9 days!! SQUEE!

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(no subject)

May. 5th, 2009 | 03:00 am

wow, ok... so i guess post-op your membranes dry up or something? 'cause although i get as wet as hong kong in the middle of monsoon season i still feel dry and irritated when i try to penetrate myself. nyurk. how horribly annoying.

especially when i have a delicious fresh-from-the-box bad-dragon gryphon halfway in my pussy ever so tantalizingly. *grin*

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Apr. 28th, 2009 | 01:47 am

so we're pretty much dating. or rather, we're friends who fuck. if we want to date is still up in the air. but he gives me the smiles and makes me happy, so its all good.
anyway, i discovered that despite my trepidation i not only remember how to give a blow job, i've vastly improved. i guess thats proof positive that watching and reading porn actually CAN make you a better fuck!

also, i got to be the lucky recipient of his first time as top. i have only had one cock prior, despite self-advertising as experienced (all solo work). and let me just say, a deliciously stereotypically proportioned piece of black man-meat to boot.

i love the ego-stroking that accompanies being the more experienced of the pair. getting him to moan and (ready for this? it amused the hell out of me) call my fuckin' name as i administer expert oral to various parts of his body is such a treat. having a writhing, beautiful body begging to have me everywhere at once is priceless. and having the sphinctral control to make him cum within a minute of first sliding his cock in my ass is just icing on the cake.


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Apr. 19th, 2009 | 03:08 pm


so, wow.

for the past 2 weeks or so the sexual tension between me and this guy named jenner had been getting progressively more and more intense. we just became friends recently and i was surprised that someone like him was paying me attention 'cause he struck me as a high-maintenance sort of twink who placed more importance on being everywhere all the time than maintaining any kind of relationship. plus he didn't seem to be the open minded type who wouldn't mind that my dick happens to be made of silicone.

anyway, yesterday he said he wanted a massage (payback for a massage he gave me). i got the feeling that it would be more than just a massage because he wanted to do it when nobody was around etc, it felt a lot like a hookup during the planning. and to be honest, while i enjoye(d) jenner's company very much i wasn't keen on being in a relationship with him because i figured he'd had all this experience and was gonna be catty or something. i dunno. he can be shallow or loud or the likes, i guess he intimidated me. but may i just say that he's quite hot. not so hot that i feel guilty for being... not an onlympic athlete (aka nick) but definitely someone whose body i can lavish attention on. it was actually a relief to know that he does have imperfections, because i'm so worried about my own imperfections that i prefer my partners to have some too.
so he came over for the massage and at this point i was not aware that he wanted anything more. i mean, i expected it but i thought i was just being hypersexed or something. but as i was giving him this massage (me sitting on his ass, him face down on my bed) he was basically grinding on the bed and moaning occasionally and generally being adorable.

fast forward lots of time and exploration and he keeps being forward until we end up spooning. heavy petting ensues. as we get closer and closer to or 'goals' i stop him and ask him if he knows about me and my anatomy difference and he said 'of course'. this is the first time, no joke, that a partner has treated it like a complete non-issue to be honest. i double checked with him and when he asked why it matters i told him that it freaks some people out. he couldn't figure out why.
after that point i loosened up a lot. i had been holding back because i didn't know the time to be sure that we weren't getting into an awkward situation and with that tribulation out of the way it was no-holds-barred.
we played hardcore for a while before a calm spot and jenner started being really deep with conversation. it turns out that he's only been in one relationship before, and that was in early high school. he's worried that he wont know what to do. i told him that it wasn't a problem.

man, i'm skipping around a lot. dunno. im just confused. i wouldn't care if he wanted to be fuckbuddies, that'd actually be nice. mostly because i'm not out to people here as bisexual, let alone as a tranny. so if i start dating jenner i know word would get out quickly and then i'd have a lot of explaining to take care of. but we were so nice together, y'know? we fit together well and reciprocated well and it was generally a positive situation where intimacy was just natural. plus he as a most delicious, girthy cock. i'd never had black cock before. mrr.

he ended up staying the night, which was at first against my better judgment and left me thinking 'christ, why did i agree to this? all i want is to sleep and not be sweaty and gross and tired in the morning'. but i fell asleep while we were spooning in my tiny twin dorm bed and it felt really good to wake up to him repositioning his morning wood against my ass. i swear, from the time i first felt his cock to right before i got out of bed he was hard. i fell asleep with the warm, hard weight pressing against my back. this man... mm.
when i woke up i tossed and turned for a while until i got back into spoon position and fell asleep again. we woke up around 11 and played for a bit, mostly just frotting and teasing and fell asleep again to wake up around 12. we played hardcore and i got a taste of his meat but didn't get him to cum, which actually worries me. i could get him close but my wrist/forearm would get tired and we actually never took his shorts off so they were in the way... foiled my plans. ah, well. he didn't make me cum either so i dont feel bad at all.

whatever happens i'm OK with it. it was a fun night (i'm just glad my roommate was out of town, lol) and i don't regret it, but to be honest i have almost no investment on where it heads in the future. if i had a one-night mutual-using encounter that leaves us as just friends thats cool. if we make it a regular thing and fuck on weekends but stay friends thats cool. if he wants to date... eh, that'll take some thought.

so there you have it. my first intimate cock-encounter since nick. i dont consider hookups or casuals with peeps i'll never see again intimate, hence the claim.

it was revitalizing to have control over someone's body again. to remind myself that i am sexual and can be powerful if i want. i was appreciated in a physical way, which doesn't happen frequently for me, lol.

he's a switch, btw. since he's taller than me i'm always the inner spoon, and i love nothing more than feeling his cock sliding over my ass. i want to have him fuck me hard and show his inner top but i also want to see his ecstasy as he takes mine to the hilt riding cowboy.

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Apr. 12th, 2009 | 11:32 pm

MAN, was i desperate! i was shivering involuntarily and clenching just about every muscle in my body. my roomie decided he was gonna get ready to bed right when i was going to change into my diaper, so i had to postpone for about 15 minutes. as soon as i was diapered up and powered completely i let go while lying on my tummy so i could soak the front, then flipped over and 'watered' the back. i pissed while walking back to bed and am now spurting in my diaper periodically.


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Apr. 12th, 2009 | 11:10 pm

getting really desperate, i'm holding out as long as i can till i put on some plastic pants and cloth diapers.

listening to piss porn while browsing leather pup hoods and dildos since i just got $200 i can put towards 'the cause'. XD
needless to say i'm already soaked, but not by piss. i'm gonna go make a load of oatmeal and put it in a ziplock so it 'pops' and i get that rush of messing myself without the smell, since the roomie is here *sadface*

once he's back at his desk i'll change into my diaper in the bathroom and fill it. i'm so desperate its crazy, i'm squirming.

life = awesome

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